Go home, T names. You’re drunk.

So, for the past month I’ve been tallying up the boy names to make a more accurate Top 1000 list.  I’m almost done–just two letters (T and V) to go.  Last time I did this, for the 2012 list, I never finished counting the boy names.  Until last night I couldn’t figure out why.

Then I got to the “T” names.  And then I remembered.

Boy parents, you suck.

It was all looking pretty good for the first five entries:

Taahir 6
Taaj 7
Taavi 9
Tabari 9
Taber 5

Not too bad, right?  Those look pretty legit.  But then.  BUT THEN…

Tabias 10
Tabius 7

What is this?  Some new foreign name?  No.  No, of course not.  It’s just alternate spellings for the increasingly popular Tobias.  Well, at least little Tabias will be super unique, except for the other nine kids with the same misspelling of his name.

Next problem.  The “name” Talon, or Taylen, or Terrible, or whatever it’s supposed to be.

TALON Talon 494 Taelon 7 Taelyn 12 Talan 104 Talen 68 Talin 37 Tallan 8 Tallen 22 Tallin 5 Tallon 27 Talyn 28 Taylin 26 Taylan 29 Taylen 75 Taylon 40 Thailan 8 Thailen 5

Because this name puzzled me, I googled it.  And guess what I discovered?  This may surprise you, but Talon is not a name.  It’s a bird claw.  You know, like on a hawk or a pigeon?  More like a pigeon, actually.  Talon is the dirty pigeon claw of the name world.

TAYSON Taysen 12 Tayson 48 Taeson 5 Taison 8 Tason 7 Taycen 6

Jason and Mason got you down with their legitimate spellings and meanings?  Yearning for something completely fake, so you can look at the top 1000 and smugly state, “My child has a unique name!”  Consider Tayson.  You asshole.

TEAGAN Teagan 212 Teagen 38 Teagon 7 Tegan 77 Teegan 78 Teghan 9 Teigan 16 Teigen 17 Teighan 5 Taegan 16 Tagen 6 Taygen 5

“What should we name the baby, honey?”

“How about Teagan?  We can use it for a boy or a girl.”

“How cute!  How should we spell it?”

“Who cares.”

TUCKER Tucker 2406 Tukker 6

TUKKER.  Rhymes with sucker.  And fucker.

TRUETT Truett 92 Truitt 49

According to Google, S. Truett Cathy was the guy who founded Chick-fil-A.  I don’t want to believe this is why people are using the name, but it probably is.  I bet they’re not using Cathy, though.  How boring–a name that’s already a name!

FYI, S. Truett Cathy called his kids Trudy and Bubba.  I guess he was a shitty namer too.

Tron 11

When I write the naming laws of the United States, Provision 5 will read, “No citizen, under any circumstances, is to name his or her child Tron.  Not even after the movie.”

Trigger 24

“The gun or the horse?”

If someone has to ask you this question about your baby’s name, you probably shouldn’t have used it.

This works for Colt, too.

Trapper 35

There are two reasons to use the name Trapper.  The first is that you love semi-obscure 80s TV shows.  The second is that you suck.  I’m betting all the parents of those 35 Trappers fall into the second category.

TRENDON Trendyn 7 Trendan 5 Trenden 6 Trendon 13

Hey, you.  You, who want something trendy, but are way, way too lazy to actually think of a name.  Here’s a name for you.  You’re welcome.

Trek 12

For people who love Star Trek but don’t want to use any of the hundreds of legitimate names associated with the show, there is Trek.

Taiga 16




TAKODA Takoda 41 Takota 10

Takoda is an American Indian name meaning “Cut it the fuck out, white people.  Jesus Christ.”

Talus 6

Meanings of Talus:

1. A bone in the ankle.

2. A rocky slope.

3. A giant bronze robot dude made by Hephaestus.

I think probably most people who used this name were thinking of #2.

Tank 6

Tank is an alternative to the hugely popular and lovely name Thomas.  What I’m saying here is no one should ever name their kid Tank.  Tank sounds like something you heat water in, or something armies use to kill people.  Either way, it’s a stupid thing to call a human being.  If you named your kid Tank, and you’re reading this, you should probably definitely kill yourself.

Tarquin 5

There’s actually nothing wrong with Tarquin.  This is an example of a legitimate but rarely used name.  Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

Teancum 9

“Hmm, what name could we use? We’d like a religious one, but as obscure as possible.  A name that could never cause any teasing, especially in the sensitive teen years. I’ve got it!  TEANCUM!”

….and I’m out.

All the -aydens for 2014

I have listed below all the -ayden names present on the 2014 list.  The following names total 160,317 uses, which represents about 8.4% of the 1,901,376 named baby boys on the SSA list.

In other words… -ayden names are incredibly popular.


The -ayden Names, in Order of Popularity:

AIDAN (25233) Aidan 2265 Aydan 235 Aydden 12 Aydeen 8 Ayden 5586 Aydenn 69 Aydin 321 Aydn 8 Aydon 35 Aydyn 15 Ayeden 14 Ayedin 5 Ayiden 16 Adan 829 Aaidyn 9 Aaiden 70 Aadyn 33 Aadon 9 Aaden 236 Aadan 8 Aidden 19 Aideen 5 Aiden 13296 Aidenn 19 Aidin 23 Aidyn 229 Aidynn 17 Aiiden 6 Aidon 19 Aden 991 Adyn 57 Adynn 9 Aedan 169 Aeden 51 Aedin 10 Aedyn 33 Adden 7 Adin 86 Aayden 188 Aiyden 72 Adon 26 Aodhan 9 Eidan 16 Eiden 56 Eydan 10 Eyden 27

JAYDEN (18523) Jayden 12878 Jadan 23 Jadden 11 Jaden 2433 Jadien 8 Jadin 14 Jadon 253 Jadyn 78 Jaedan 15 Jaeden 158 Jaedin 12 Jaedon 42 Jaedyn 76 Jahden 8 Jaidan 41 Jaiden 1552 Jaidin 11 Jaidon 56 Jaidyn 143 Jaiyden 7 Jaydan 145 Jaydden 7 Jaydeen 14 Jaydenn 30 Jaydin 98 Jaydn 14 Jaydon 258 Jaydyn 38 Jden 12 Jdyn 6 Jeidan 5 Jeiden 9 Jeydan 7 Jeyden 36 Jeydon 6 Jhaiden 7 Jhayden 6 Jyden 6

KAYDEN (17554) Kayden 4691 Qaiden 5 Kaydan 36 Kaydenn 15 Kaydin 69 Kaydn 12 Kaydon 96 Kaydyn 24 Cadan 14 Cadden 7 Caden 2027 Cadin 10 Cadon 7 Cadyn 34 Caedan 11 Caeden 72 Caedon 13 Caedyn 19 Caidan 17 Caiden 1346 Caidon 7 Caidyn 43 Caydan 7 Cayden 2037 Caydenn 5 Caydin 23 Caydn 5 Caydon 29 Caydyn 6 Kaden 2440 Kadin 98 Kadon 13 Kadyn 136 Kaedan 12 Kaeden 238 Kaedin 13 Kaedon 25 Kaedyn 81 Kaidan 77 Kaiden 3247 Kaidin 21 Kaidon 32 Kaidyn 189 Kaidynn 9 Kaiyden 14 Keiden 31 Caiyden 6 Kahden 5 Kadan 14 Kden 10 Kdyn 11 Chayden 20 Chaden 10 Khaden 25 Khadin 6 Khadyn 6 Khaiden 14 Khaidyn 16 Khayden 43 Khaydin 5

BRADEN (9206) Brayden 6539 Braden 886 Bradin 9 Bradon 12 Bradyn 166 Braedan 26 Braeden 283 Braedin 6 Braedon 69 Braedyn 118 Braiden 271 Braidon 19 Braidyn 41 Braydan 45 Braydenn 7 Braydin 45 Braydn 13 Braydon 522 Braydyn 39 Breiden 5 Breydan 20 Breyden 46 Breydon 19

ZAYDEN (3937) Zayden 2209 Xaden 22 Xadyn 6 Xaeden 5 Xaiden 71 Xaidyn 10 Xayden 42 Xhaiden 10 Xzaiden 5 Zadan 6 Zaden 139 Zadin 7 Zadyn 27 Zaeden 35 Zaedin 8 Zaedon 9 Zaedyn 59 Zaidan 35 Zaiden 948 Zaidin 11 Zaidyn 106 Zaiyden 5 Zhayden 5 Zhaiden 5 Zeidan 5 Zedan 5 Zaydyn 16 Zaydenn 7 Zaydin 46 Zaydn 9 Zaydon 28 Zaydan 28 Xzayden 8

HAYDEN (3251) Hayden 2851 Haden 59 Hadyn 10 Haeden 10 Haedyn 5 Haiden 158 Haidon 6 Haidyn 25 Haydan 14 Haydin 19 Haydn 42 Haydon 29 Haydyn 8 Heiden 5 Heyden 10

RAIDEN (1090) Raiden 589 Raden 11 Radin 10 Raeden 10 Raedyn 9 Raidan 9 Raidon 8 Raidyn 24 Rayden 370 Raydin 12 Raydon 14 Raydyn 7 Reyden 17

GRAYDEN (248) Grayden 88 Graydin 6 Graydon 71 Gradyn 17 Graden 17 Gradon 7 Graiden 8 Greyden 19 Greydon 15

DRAYDEN (216) Draden 11 Dredan 5 Dreden 18 Dredyn 16 Dreydan 7 Dreyden 27 Dreydon 7 Drayden 89 Draydon 10 Draeden 9 Draiden 17

TAYDEN (209) Tayden 153 Taden 11 Taeden 9 Taedyn 7 Taiden 29

BLADEN (151) Bladen 60 Bladyn 6 Blaiden 9 Blayden 50 Blaydin 6 Blaydon 5 Blayton 15

LAYDEN (135) Layden 68 Laden 6 Ladon 10 Laiden 21 Laydon 11 Leiden 11 Leyden 8

JAKAYDEN (97) Jacaiden 25 Jacaden 8 Jacaiden 5 Jacayden 8 Jakaden 20 Jakayden 31

PAYDEN (80) Payden 38 Paden 24 Paiden 13 Peydon 5

TREYDEN (54) Trayden 18 Tredyn 5 Treyden 21 Treydon 5 Traiden 5

BAYDEN (38) Baden 14 Baiden 7 Bayden 17

SHAYDEN (35) Shayden 27 Shaden 8

VADEN (27) Vayden 9 Vaden 12 Vaiden 6

NAYDEN (25) Nayden 16 Naiden 9

DAYDEN (23) Dayden 12 Daiden 11

Thayden 13

Slayden 10

Wayden 10

Yaden 10

Jrayden 5

Lakayden 5

I have changed the way I am listing names for the 2014 list.  I am now adhering to the following rules:

1. Names will be listed first by oldest or most traditional spelling.  EX: Aidan

2. Modern, invented names will be listed by most popular spelling.  This includes names for which etymologies were speciously worked out backwards after they were invented.  EX: Kayden, Zayden

3. When spellings of popular names coincide with obscure, rarely used legitimate names, I will err on the side of popular.  EX: Jadon, a Hebrew name, was never used until Jayden became popular.  It is highly unlikely that most parents using the spelling Jadon even realize it’s an old Biblical name.  I’ve therefore placed it with the Jaydens.  Additionally, the 8 Aydeens and 5 Aideens are almost certainly variant spellings of Aiden and not meant to be pronounced or presented as the near-defunct female name Aideen.

4. Where spellings of two possibly different names become conflated due to a misunderstanding of phonics on the part of the naming parents, I will combine the spellings unless 1) the spellings can be EASILY separated, and 2) there is clear evidence that a stray standalone is meant to be a separate name.   EX (1): It is unclear what parents are trying to do with the name group Caylum/Caelum/Calum/Callum, so I’ve grouped them together.  EX (2): I have placed Jadden, which phonetically ought to be pronounced with a short A, with the Jaydens, as it’s clearly meant as a variant of such.

The “A”wful Truth, Boy Edition

Aydrian,23  Aidrian,6  Adrion,20  Adryan,66  Adryen,13  Adriyan,7  Adrean,22  Adrienne,5  Adrien,335  Adrianne,5  Adriann,9  Adriane,6  Adreyan,7  Aydrien,19  Adrian,6900

Ayren,7  Ayron,13  Airen,14  Ahren,18  Ahron,29  Aeron,25  Aeryn,9  Ehren,16  Ehron,6  Erron,9  Eron,18  Erin,62  Aran,32  Aren,42  Aryn,10  Aaran,10  Aaren,22  Arin,56  Aaryn,23  Aarron,11  Aarin,26  Arron,43  Arren,8  Aron,330  Arran,9  Aaron,7478

Ayiden,12  Aiyden,51  Aadon,7  Aayden,137  Aaydan,6  Ayedin,12  Ayeden,21  Aydyn,22  Aydon,45  Aydn,13  Aydin,329  Aydenn,129  Ayden,6181  Aydden,9  Aydann,5  Aydan,335  Aedyn,43  Aedon,16  Aedin,9  Aeden,76  Aedan,164  Adynn,10  Adenn,6  Adan,863  Adden,6  Aden,1142  Adin,100  Adon,37  Adyn,84  Aeyden,7  Aiiden,6  Aieden,6  Aidynn,6  Aidyn,281  Aidon,19  Aidin,32  Aidden,25  Aidenn,23  Aidan,3189  Aaidyn,11  Aaiden,60  Aadyn,48  Aadin,10  Aaden,222  Aadan,11  Aiden,14779

Andrej,13  Andrae,25  Andray,8  Andrei,84  Andree,30  Aundrey,5  Aundre,29  Aundray,5  Andre,1441

Antwone,35  Antwuan,9  Antwon,87  Antuan,17  Antwoine,14  Antwaun,20  Antwan,140  Antjuan,11  Antoinne,6  Antoine,248

Armahni,5  Armonie,8  Armany,9  Armanni,10  Armanii,12  Armanie,9  Armoni,49  Armani,635

Arrion,6  Arrian,5  Aerion,9  Aarian,12  Ayrian,6  Aryon,8  Aryion,6  Aryian,8  Aryen,7  Aryaan,7  Ariyon,9  Ariyan,22  Arieon,9  Arien,22  Areyon,5  Aarion,14  Aaryan,93  Arian,364  Arion,79  Aryan,351

Asheton,6  Ashden,21  Ashdon,13  Ashdyn,6  Ashten,45  Ashtin,57  Ashtyn,70  Ashton,2792

Athen,48  Aithan,17  Aithen,11  Aythan,8  Aathan,5  Athan,122

Avory,16  Avree,6  Avry,28  Avrey,13  Avari,6  Avary,6  Averee,7  Averey,10  Averi,13  Averie,14  Avery,1998

Aveon,18  Ayvion,5  Avien,14  Avyan,26  Avyaan,7  Avian,58

Akxel,6  Aksel,84  Axzel,7  Axyl,20  Axxel,8  Axle,58  Axl,102  Axcel,13  Axell,24  Acxel,11  Axel,2464

Aiyan,5  Aian,5  Ahyan,9  Aayan,94  Aayaan,5  Ayhan,8  Ayyan,13  Ayaan,355  Ayan,118

Aeson,36  Aason,5  Aisen,5  Ason,7  Acein,5  Aceyn,7  Acen,33  Aceson,15  Aysen,5  Aycen,11  Ayson,27

Aiven,34  Aaven,5  Avyn,17  Ayvin,8  Avan,93  Aven,172  Ayven,22

Aamir,114  Emir,155  Amyr,10  Amear,5  Amer,21  Ameir,42  Amere,39  Ameer,207  Amier,22  Amiere,8  Amiir,7  Amirr,5  Amire,46  Ahmeir,7  Ahmere,12  Ahmeer,5  Ahmir,100  Amir,1455

The Terrible Ts: A Small Sampling of Madness

Completely pretend:

Tayzlee,5 Taisley,15
Taylie,14 Tayli,10 Tayleigh,17 Taylee,104 Tailee,7
Tayton,5 Tayten,5
Tylynn,21 Tylyn,8 Tylin,11

Slightly disturbing:


Questionable place names:

Tapanga,9 Topanga,16

I don’t know why anyone would use these:

Tymber,18 Timber,33

Unfortunate spelling variations:

Trynity,13 Tryniti,5 Trynitee,5 Trinnity,10 Trinity,3201 Trinitie,13 Triniti,97 Trinitey,6 Trinitee,93 Trinidy,26 Trinidee,5 Trinady,8 Trenidy,5 Trenity,58 Treniti,5 Trinaty,9

Girls named after last names of dead, eccentric, famous men:


Hopefully supported by solid evidence:


Just no:

Trezure,16 Treazure,26 Treasure,242

Kelle Horreur

One of the most well-known naming phenomena in (and out of!) baby circles is the explosion of K names.  Kaylee, Kylie, Katelyn, Kayla, Kaylin, Keely — as hard as it is to believe, before 30 years ago these names were quite rare, and appeared with only a few spelling variations.

A look back at the charts from 1983 reveals the following (all numbers represent number of babies born with that name in that year):

KAYLA (3525) is likely the progenitor of the K-name trend. Its popularity received a boost from the character Kayla Brady on the popular soap opera Days of Our Lives. I didn’t even have to research this one because I was addicted to Days for most of the 80s.

CAITLIN (1884) had just begun its ascent and barely registered as a blip against the almighty JENNIFER (54335).

The now-overwhelmingly popular KATELYN was only used 424 times. As a comparison, that’s the same number of COLETTES born in 2012. How many baby Colettes do you know?

KYLIE showed up near the bottom of the charts with only 261 uses.

KAYLEE (63) and KAYLIN (60) were all but unknown. Even accounting for spelling variations, the names hovered around the 200 use mark.

Just 157 babies were named KEELY in 1983.

Compare to today’s numbers. Note the multitude of spelling variations. Also of interest, the phonetic KATELYNN has outstripped its properly spelled sister CAITLIN.


Kla,6 Keylah,6 Keyla,313 Khayla,13 Kaylah,195 Calah,7 Cailah,8 Caila,19 Caela,16 Caylah,12 Cayla,209 Kayla,3738 Khaila,8 Keilah,44 Keila,171 Kala,21 Kailah,53 Kaila,198 Kahla,6 Kaelah,13 Kaela,59

Kaytlynn,22 Kaytlyn,25 Kaytlin,25 Kaytelynn,6 Kaytlen,5 Kaitlyne,5 Kaitlynne,13 Kaitlynn,400 Kaithlyn,14 Kaetlyn,7 Kaitlyn,2581 Kaitlin,316 Kaitlen,5 Kaitelyn,12 Katlynn,40 Catlyn,6 Katlyn,83 Katlin,14 Katelynne,14 Katelynn,732 Katelyne,11 Katelin,65 Catelynn,52 Catelyn,76 Catelin,6 Caitlynne,5 Caitlynn,119 Caitlyn,816 Caitlin,738 Caitlan,5 Katelyn,2396

Kyley,48 Kyleigh,1086 Kylei,78 Kylee,2032 Kyilee,12 Kyelee,5 Kyllie,7 Kyliegh,21 Kyliee,68 Kyli,81 Kiylee,16 Kiley,589 Kileigh,27 Kilee,66 Khylie,42 Khyli,17 Khyleigh,9 Khylei,15 Khylee,57 Khiley,11 Khileigh,6 Khilee,19 Cylie,23 Cyleigh,23 Cylee,27 Chylee,7 Kylie,4151

Kiele,11 Kielee,5 Kieley,7 Kiely,22 Kieli,7 Keely,168 Keelie,48 Keeli,19 Keeley,159 Keeleigh,18 Keelee,17 Kealy,8 Kealey,10 Kealee,5

Kleigh,10 Klee,19 Keyly,16 Keylie,10 Keyli,80 Keyley,6 Keyleigh,13 Keylei,7 Keylee,82 Khaylee,8 Kayly,17 Kayliegh,18 Kayliee,9 Kaylie,730 Kayli,147 Kayley,215 Kayleigh,1215 Kaylei,95 Chailey,5 Chaeli,5 Caylie,48 Cayli,12 Cayley,25 Caylei,11 Cayleigh,113 Caylee,611 Caliegh,5 Calie,46 Cali,941 Caley,29 Caleigh,153 Calee,25 Caily,6 Cailey,117 Caileigh,44 Cailee,49 Caelie,6 Caeli,41 Caeley,7 Caeleigh,6 Caelee,5 Kaylee,5571 Kaylea,69 Kayeleigh,5 Kayelee,21 Khali,37 Khaleigh,7 Khalei,5 Khalee,5 Khailey,5 Khailee,8 Keily,225 Keilly,31 Keili,6 Keiley,23 Keileigh,20 Keighley,5 Keilee,23 Kaly,9 Kalii,8 Kaliegh,12 Kalie,54 Kali,743 Kaley,238 Kaleigh,335 Kalei,41 Kalee,44 Kaily,107 Kailie,25 Kaili,75 Kailey,756 Kaileigh,88 Kailei,18 Kailee,371 Kahli,12 Kahlei,5 Kaely,40 Kaelie,21 Kaeli,49 Kaeley,12 Kaeleigh,38 Kaelee,24

Klynn,33 Klyn,5 Keylin,56 Keylen,9 Keylan,7 Kaylynne,23 Kaylynn,453 Chailyn,11 Chaelynn,7 Chaelyn,5 Caylynn,20 Caylyn,17 Caylin,97 Caylen,22 Caylan,5 Caoilinn,6 Caoilainn,8 Calynn,19 Calyn,20 Cailynn,66 Cailyn,255 Cailin,81 Caelynn,50 Caelyn,193 Caelin,14 Caelan,17 Kaylyn,275 Kaylon,8 Kaylinn,25 Kaylin,660 Kaylenn,6 Kaylen,272 Kaylan,85 Kayelynn,18 Kayelyn,10 Khailynn,9 Khailyn,8 Keilynn,5 Keilyn,57 Keilin,9 Keilen,6 Keilan,8 Kalynne,14 Kalynn,93 Kalyn,100 Kalin,20 Kalen,18 Kalan,5 Kailynne,9 Kailynn,270 Kailyn,619 Kailin,23 Kailen,21 Kaelin,48 Kaelan,8 Kailan,28 Kahlynn,5 Kahlyn,13 Kahlen,8 Kahlan,125 Kaelynn,282 Kaelyn,746